How do you respond when life doesn't go according to plan?
Deadlines, delays, and disappointments. Three common experiences in every human life.
When combined with the many other stressors faced daily, these 3Ds can often tip the balance from stressed out to overwhelm. And, in the long term, burnout.
But what is it, actually, that tips the balance? Is it the experience itself, or the thoughts that arise in response to it?
These intrusive thoughts and the internal scripts they activate, such as negative self-talk or defensiveness, are often what intensify our stress. What we say to ourselves in response to an experience can be what shapes how we move through it.
Recently, for me, a pinched nerve caused a delay with a launch. The sprint to catch up on deliverables had my internal voice speaking quite loudly. It’s hopeless. Push harder. You’re doing it wrong.
So what can be done? How do we change the pattern?
Mindfulness Practice
In MBSR, we practice becoming aware of these intrusive thoughts as they arise.
To begin, practice the pause by stopping, taking a breath, and choosing not to spring into action. This mini-break creates the space to get curious. Ask yourself:
• What is the content of the thought?
Is it negative self-talk, such as I'm not doing it right, Something's wrong with me, or one of the numerous other variations?
Does it align with one of the four common stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?
• Where am I feeling it in my body?
Is it in my throat? A heaviness in the heart? A feeling in the gut? A clenched jaw? A buzzing in the head? Or somewhere else?
Having identified where it is felt in the body, place your attention in that body part. Observe the sensation. Is it hot or cold? Pulsing or tingling? Acute or aching? A sense of heaviness or agitation? Or something else?
• What emotions am I feeling?
Along with the sensations in our body, emotions can also arise. This frequently becomes a point where we want to check out or do something to alleviate the feeling.
If it is within your window of tolerance, choose to sit with it. Explore the emotion: name it, observe its characteristics. This creates space to acknowledge it as part of your experience without becoming immersed in the feeling.
Do you notice sadness or grief? Anger or frustration? Defensiveness? Shame, hopelessness, or despair? Or something else?
Holding whatever arises, with self-compassion and loving awareness, strengthens our ability to respond rather than react. This practice of meeting the present moment – whether it contains wanted or unwanted experiences – builds neural pathways in much the same way that exercise build muscles.
Over time, intrusive thought patterns begin to lose their grip. Our internal narrative becomes less automatic and more intentional, supporting choices and behaviors that nurture our wellbeing.
Wishing you a week of curiosity and self-compassion.
Let your wisdom lead,
Robin
PS. Learn to meet stressful moments with clarity and choice. Join me for a Free MBSR Workshop, live on Zoom, Tuesday, November 17, 6:30–7:30 p.m. ET.